Why Christian Dating Feels Like a Mess (And What God’s Timing Really Means)

I heard there’s pee in the dating pool. Sounds funny, but if you’ve been trying to date in today’s world, you know exactly what that means. Friends call it a disaster. You pray, you swipe, you wait, and then you overanalyze. You get excited, then confused, then find yourself in a situationship or a full-blown relationship that leaves you drained, wondering how something that looked so promising could feel so empty. It’s discouraging, and if you’re honest, you’ve probably asked yourself, “If God really has a plan for me, why does His timing feel so off?”

Before we get too deep, let’s unpack one lie that needs to go. The idea that “there just aren’t enough options” is simply not true. Statistically, the ratio of men to women across generations is almost even. So the problem isn’t a numbers game. The real issue is that many of us don’t trust the process. We say we do, but deep down we’re afraid. We think if we wait on God, we’ll be forgotten. We’ll get skipped. Or worse, that His answer will be no. So we scramble, grabbing whatever looks good on our timeline, hoping God will bless it later.

Think about Sarah. God gave her a clear promise, but she couldn’t wait. She made her own plan and tried to help God out. That plan involved Hagar, who wasn’t just a side piece—she was a wife. Yet the consequences were real. Hagar and her son ended up in the desert, nearly dying. Sarah still ended up miserable. We might not be in tents or deserts, but a lot of us are living out similar patterns. We get impatient, and instead of trusting God’s timing, we force connections and hope the pain is worth it.

Proverbs 3:5–6 reminds us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and to lean not on our own understanding. But that’s exactly what we often do. We lean on logic. We lean on our friend’s advice. We lean on checklists and forced chemistry. I remember a guy I used to work with who checked every single box. He was smart, fit, funny, great with kids, and even had a little nerdy charm. Everyone around us said we were perfect. But here’s the thing. God was missing from the picture. I tried to convince myself it could work, that maybe God could save him, and that maybe I was being too picky. But that wasn’t the Holy Spirit. That was me trying to justify what I wanted.

If I had forced it, I would have ended up in something that looked good but wasn’t from God. Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” That doesn’t mean we get everything we want. It means that when we align with God, our desires shift. Our taste in love changes. Our definition of “enough” gets refined by grace.

Here’s the cycle that so many of us are stuck in. We get lonely, so we lower our standards. We get attached, so we ignore the red flags. We get hurt, and then we blame God for the choices we made. Sound familiar? If your heart isn’t aligned with God’s purpose, you’ll repeat the same patterns, just with different people.

So how do you trust God’s timing when it feels like nothing is happening? Start here. Shift your focus. Guard your heart. Walk in wisdom.

First, shift your focus. Instead of asking, “When will my person come?” ask, “How can I grow right now?” Focus on becoming the person God is calling you to be. This is how you prepare for a relationship that aligns with your purpose—not just your preferences. God is not in a rush, but He is intentional. Your season of singleness isn’t a waiting room. It’s a training ground.

Second, guard your heart. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts above all else because everything we do flows from it. That’s not just about avoiding the wrong relationship. It’s about protecting your spirit from content, conversations, and connections that pull you away from God. You can’t expect peace while entertaining chaos. Set boundaries. Be mindful of who and what has access to your soul. Don’t just protect your heart from other people. Protect it from yourself.

Third, walk in wisdom. Before you respond to that text or agree to that date, pause and ask God, “Is this wise?” James 1:5 says if we lack wisdom, we should ask God. Wisdom doesn’t just reveal what’s right. It exposes what looks good but doesn’t fit where you’re going. Let the Holy Spirit speak before your emotions lead.

Waiting is hard. But it’s not a punishment. It’s preparation. Isaiah 60:22 says, “At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” That means your love story isn’t delayed. It’s on schedule. But let me ask you something deeper. What if your love story doesn’t look like what you expected? What if you never get married? Or what if you do and it still doesn’t fill the void you thought it would?

It’s okay to desire marriage. But your worth is not tied to your relationship status. Some of the loneliest people I know are married. And some of the most fulfilled people I know are single. Philippians 4:11 says, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Joy doesn’t come from checking off a box. It comes from knowing God and aligning your life with Him.

So embrace your season. Don’t just wait for God to bring the right person. Ask Him to make you the right person. And if you’re struggling with sexual sin, shame, or patterns that keep resurfacing, I have a free resource that can help you start fresh. It’s called Pure Intimacy: Choosing God Over Sexual Sin, and you can access a 3-day preview right now.

Now take a moment and ask yourself, what’s one thing you need to surrender in your dating life? Overthinking? Settling? Trying to control the timeline? Name it, release it, and trust God with the outcome. He’s a better matchmaker than we’ll ever be